Not my favorite day...

OK, I can admit that I'm a cranky booger today. CRANKY. Don't know if it's the weather, being exhausted, or things just catching up with me. To add to the crankiness, I'm emotional. Perhaps it's that the girls seemed to be extra crazy today. The clouds in the sky. My lack of sleep. OR just maybe it's my tomorrow. Tomorrow is my weekly blood test and ultrasound. It's like this stuff won't die. Like I'll be stuck here forever. I HATE it. I absolutely HATE it. My own persoanl Groundhog Day, but more like hell. This is miserable. I want to get back to normal, and my body is getting there, but I can't just leave it. It's like you have a recording of a loved ones funeral, where you have to watch it once a week EVERY week reliving every tear, frustration and "Why me's?" Really, it's not cool. It's almost like it's FORCING me to really swallow it and process it, like I can't leave it. So, here I am preaching to myself all day and now night... for those who didn't hear Furtick's sermon yesterday, it's a good one on faith, watch it and you'll understand the "preaching to myself" stuff...

I have no fear or anxiety, I trust the Lord with ALL my heart.

I am protected from all harm and evil in Jesus' name.

My personal faith is being challenged, yes, but my "faith is not in my faith but it is in the faithfulness of God." He will get me through this. He is using this to mold me and make me into the person He wants me to be, not to punish me. NOT TO PUNISH ME! (That feels so good to say, you know?) He is showing me his faithfulness everyday, even in my super horrible BAD days. So, I'm fragile, broken today... He will make it better, He will be with me through it all. He is my ROCK. He will hold me tight. Tomorrow WILL be a better day b/c I'll be stronger in Him. He will ALWAYS be faithful.

Here's yesterday's sermon: http://www.elevationchurch.org/mediaPlayer.php?sermon=188

Oh, and the song that made me cry... ha! Really, it's an AWESOME AWESOME song, would love a copy of it to play over and over. The link is for an acoustic version by 2 of the worship leaders, Chris and London. Chris is Sydney's crush. She really REALLY likes him! ha! :o) I've been singing it to myself a ton...

http://elevation-worship.com/blog/?p=593

Give Me Faith

Verse 1:
I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need you to open my eyes
To see that You’re shaping my life

Pre-Chorus:
All I am, I surrender

Chorus:
Give me faith to trust what you say
That you’re good and your love is great
I’m broken inside, I give you my life

Verse 2:
I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need you pierce through the dark
And cleanse every part of me

Bridge:
I may be weak
But your Spirit’s strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you never will

My pretty girls...

I just realized I hadn't posted any pictures of my sweet girls in a LONG time...

Eating breakfast...

Bathtime Syd

Bathtime Mylie

Mooning her sis... they both find this to be incredibly funny... I do too!

4 Year Check Up

Sydney’s 4 year check up was today. My poor baby got 4 shots and her finger pricked. She was such a BRAVE girl! She did cry, and I did too. Just seeing her determined to be brave before she got the shots, then the shock that it did hurt, tore me up. She did so well though. Wish I could get them for her. The good thing is that she gets no more shots until she’s TWELVE!!! Hopefully she’ll forget it all by then. Thank goodness for the silly goo that makes poot sounds when you push it back in the container from the treat box, it sure made her giggle She is 49lbs and 42.5 inches tall, putting her on the 97th percentile for weight and between the 95th and 97th for height. She’s going to be a super tall girl, I’m so excited for her! Last week we bought her a new pair of shoes, 12.5 XW!! So, looking at it like you would puppies and big feet, she’s going to be a big one! Ha!

Dr Honeycutt was impressed with all that she is able to do. She didn’t want to do the shape sign but the letters sign for testing her eyes. She also “read” a book to her sis while the doc was in the room, she knew the numbers at the top and made up the story to go with the pictures. It was so cute! So proud of my big girl!! She also showed her the pic she drew of me on the back of the questionnaire we fill out before check-ups. She had written Mommy across the top and pointed out even my “ear holes” that she was sure to include. Silly girl!. Chick Fil A was the lunch of choice and M&M’s when we got home. I put Mylie down for a nap, then Syd and I cuddled in my bed for a while. I LOVE cuddling with my girls. LOVE IT! She seemed happy the rest of the day. Hoping tomorrow is a great day as well! We have a party to get ready for on Saturday! Lazy 5 Ranch here we come! We’ve got to Move It Move It! Syd's going to have a BLAST!

As for Mylie, she spent the whole appt meticulously putting on her and her sis’ shoes. It totally entertained her. She also sat in my lap while we were waiting and I was able to read a WHOLE BOOK before she got out of my lap! I was in shock! Maybe she’s calming down a bit? NOT! Ha!

OH! This was my first day on my own since all of the craziness. It feels so good getting back to normal. I wish my back would cooperate and I could keep the emotions under control better, but it'll get there! As of this week my HCG levels are down to 43, so it's getting closer! Hopefully a TON lower next week! This has kicked my butt, that's for sure. I couldn't have gotten through it without Kenny, family and friends. And all of their prayers! God is good!

He's with me IN the fire....

Through tears and fears...

As some of you know, I had a miscarriage on Wednesday. Since then we have found out that not only was there one baby in there, but two, we were having twins. One was in my uterus and the other in my right tube. The one in my uterus hadn't formed correctly and the other had no way of developing. I was able to pass one on my own, but had to have an injection to stop growth of the other. There has been pain, both physically and emotionally. I'm just now able to get up out of bed and "do" things without being in a ton of pain. The crying has stopped for the most part, hopefully hormone levels will be stable soon. (Although I have always had a tendency to "leak." Glad I married a Leak, so I can say I'm a Leak that leaks. ha! I'm a dork.) Kenny has been home with me and my parents have helpped a ton with the girls. God sure knew what He was doing giving me Kenny, that's for sure! Thank God that I have such a wonderful family and friends to support us during this crappy time.

The crazy thing is, is that I haven't wanted to really tell anyone. Almost like I'm embarrassed.. I've been scared that people will specifically say, "you shouldn't have announced so early." Crazy, huh? Worried about what OTHERS will think of me. I guess, that's always been a problem of mine... what will "they" think of me. Really though, I know I've already learned that the "they" will always exist, but there is a part of "they" that can also be the best supporters, encouragers, huggers (yes, me, the anti-hugger said that) checker-uppers, etc. God has placed these people in my lives for a purpose. To remind me that He provides. That I am to TRUST Him. AND that He KNOWS the plans He has for me... Jer 29:11-14. (Thanks Heather B, for the reminder) I don't need to worry about the theys but keep my focus on HIM. I don't have to be perfect, He knows my imperfections, He created them. :o)

I wasn't able to attend the opening service at the Matthews Campus this past Sunday since I was in the ER at Presby Main. (Praise God for great nurses, doctors and wonderful painkillers. Nurse Dawn is my friend, ha!) It broke my heart that I couldn't be there, by the way. BUT as my sweet, smart husband said, "Someone else must have REALLY needed our seat." SO, tonight I watched the sermon online. (You can watch it here: http://www.elevationchurch.org/mediaPlayer.php?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.elevationchurch.org%2F ) He talked about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. They would not bow down to Neb's idols, but only to God. (I'm not going to even try to spell Neb's full name, plus his friends growing up had to have called him Neb for short. That's one long name.) ANYWHO, Neb threw them in the furnace and God protected them. They trusted Him, believed in Him, etc even though they would be thrown in a FIRE. So, what does that say to me? That although this sucks, (sorry Mom, I know you don't like that word) I will not bow down to depression, self pity, what if, etc. I will bow down to HIM. He may not deliver me out of this fire yet, but He's with me IN it. I think that's so awesome! Pastor Furtick also used this scripture...

I Peter 1:6-7
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire- may be proved genuine & may result in praise, glory & honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Through this, I will trust HIM. This trial will not win me. God is using this to teach me more about Him and what great and awesome things that only He can do. He ROCKS! Please keep praying for us...

PS I can't wait to hold my babies in Heaven... I'm sure they're just as beautiful as their sisters.

Volunteering

We've been going to Elevation for a while now, and were ready to get involved. Today gave us no more excuses, they had focused the whole day on volunteering and how important they are. Again, we knew we wanted to, and were really waiting for all of our summer beach travels to be done so we could give 100%. BUT now, we have no excuse. Yes, we are going to the beach again, but not for 5 weekends in a row. PLEASE don't slap me, ha! Again NO excuse. So, we did it. Kenny has the wonderful talent of being an awesome audio production dude. (I'm sure I'll get corrected as to what he wants to be called "technically" later, ha ha!) I, however, don't know where I'll really fit in yet. Yes, I love kids, but do I want to work with them when I have some crazy busy ones with me 24-7? (And of course sweet, loving and beautiful too!) How can I use my love of interior design, encouragement, coupons, and/or anything else artsy AND maybe somehow be with my hubby? We'll find out. God has special plans for me, I know. I want to give Him my 100%. I don't want to be simply "fed" anymore, and become a fat cow. ha! (Yep, cow tipping reference.) I want to do and be used for Him. Please pray for me, Kenny and what God's going to do through us. :o) I'm anxious and excited!!! We should be getting phone calls this week to get plugged in. I'll keep ya'll posted.

PS Again, check back tonight for Syd's surprise! :o) (Well, it's ours too, but she illustrated it better than we could.)

August....

I WILL get back into blogging. So, no more nonsense, here we go.

It has been my month of cleaning out and reorganization. I'm not really organized most of the time, but am working on it. This house is way too tiny. We keep filling up bags and bags of stuff to go to Goodwill. It feels to AWESOME to get things OUT. As for my favorite jeans, that I'll never wear again, I'm truly mourning. IKEA has been my friend when it has come to these projects. I'm sure that they see me coming and dollar signs instantly pop up in their heads.

I have also been crazy back into couponing. This week I went to BiLo and spent $24ish and am getting back $60 in rebates from those purchases!!! CRAZY!! I'm going back on Monday to do it some more! :o) I LOVE saving money! I also am hoping to do some classes for the people who want to learn. I really enjoy helpping others to save.

Now, as for my kiddos. Syd will be 4 in 2 weeks. What in the world?! How did that happen? She's such a helpful girl these days, especially with Myls. She's got some news she wants to share with the world, I'll post that tomorrow night when I can upload pics! She will be going to preschool 3 days a week and wants to do gymnastics and "walk on the balance beam and swing on the bars." Myls is my little dare devil. As I type she is on the ottoman flinging herself backwards onto the sofa. "un, twoooo, eeeeeee" She has started talking like crazy and imitates often so watch what you say! ha!

As for my Kenny, he works way too hard. We appreciate it so much! Being able to be a stay at home mommy is the best job in the world. :o)