He's with me IN the fire....

Through tears and fears...

As some of you know, I had a miscarriage on Wednesday. Since then we have found out that not only was there one baby in there, but two, we were having twins. One was in my uterus and the other in my right tube. The one in my uterus hadn't formed correctly and the other had no way of developing. I was able to pass one on my own, but had to have an injection to stop growth of the other. There has been pain, both physically and emotionally. I'm just now able to get up out of bed and "do" things without being in a ton of pain. The crying has stopped for the most part, hopefully hormone levels will be stable soon. (Although I have always had a tendency to "leak." Glad I married a Leak, so I can say I'm a Leak that leaks. ha! I'm a dork.) Kenny has been home with me and my parents have helpped a ton with the girls. God sure knew what He was doing giving me Kenny, that's for sure! Thank God that I have such a wonderful family and friends to support us during this crappy time.

The crazy thing is, is that I haven't wanted to really tell anyone. Almost like I'm embarrassed.. I've been scared that people will specifically say, "you shouldn't have announced so early." Crazy, huh? Worried about what OTHERS will think of me. I guess, that's always been a problem of mine... what will "they" think of me. Really though, I know I've already learned that the "they" will always exist, but there is a part of "they" that can also be the best supporters, encouragers, huggers (yes, me, the anti-hugger said that) checker-uppers, etc. God has placed these people in my lives for a purpose. To remind me that He provides. That I am to TRUST Him. AND that He KNOWS the plans He has for me... Jer 29:11-14. (Thanks Heather B, for the reminder) I don't need to worry about the theys but keep my focus on HIM. I don't have to be perfect, He knows my imperfections, He created them. :o)

I wasn't able to attend the opening service at the Matthews Campus this past Sunday since I was in the ER at Presby Main. (Praise God for great nurses, doctors and wonderful painkillers. Nurse Dawn is my friend, ha!) It broke my heart that I couldn't be there, by the way. BUT as my sweet, smart husband said, "Someone else must have REALLY needed our seat." SO, tonight I watched the sermon online. (You can watch it here: http://www.elevationchurch.org/mediaPlayer.php?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.elevationchurch.org%2F ) He talked about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. They would not bow down to Neb's idols, but only to God. (I'm not going to even try to spell Neb's full name, plus his friends growing up had to have called him Neb for short. That's one long name.) ANYWHO, Neb threw them in the furnace and God protected them. They trusted Him, believed in Him, etc even though they would be thrown in a FIRE. So, what does that say to me? That although this sucks, (sorry Mom, I know you don't like that word) I will not bow down to depression, self pity, what if, etc. I will bow down to HIM. He may not deliver me out of this fire yet, but He's with me IN it. I think that's so awesome! Pastor Furtick also used this scripture...

I Peter 1:6-7
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire- may be proved genuine & may result in praise, glory & honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Through this, I will trust HIM. This trial will not win me. God is using this to teach me more about Him and what great and awesome things that only He can do. He ROCKS! Please keep praying for us...

PS I can't wait to hold my babies in Heaven... I'm sure they're just as beautiful as their sisters.