Not my favorite day...

OK, I can admit that I'm a cranky booger today. CRANKY. Don't know if it's the weather, being exhausted, or things just catching up with me. To add to the crankiness, I'm emotional. Perhaps it's that the girls seemed to be extra crazy today. The clouds in the sky. My lack of sleep. OR just maybe it's my tomorrow. Tomorrow is my weekly blood test and ultrasound. It's like this stuff won't die. Like I'll be stuck here forever. I HATE it. I absolutely HATE it. My own persoanl Groundhog Day, but more like hell. This is miserable. I want to get back to normal, and my body is getting there, but I can't just leave it. It's like you have a recording of a loved ones funeral, where you have to watch it once a week EVERY week reliving every tear, frustration and "Why me's?" Really, it's not cool. It's almost like it's FORCING me to really swallow it and process it, like I can't leave it. So, here I am preaching to myself all day and now night... for those who didn't hear Furtick's sermon yesterday, it's a good one on faith, watch it and you'll understand the "preaching to myself" stuff...

I have no fear or anxiety, I trust the Lord with ALL my heart.

I am protected from all harm and evil in Jesus' name.

My personal faith is being challenged, yes, but my "faith is not in my faith but it is in the faithfulness of God." He will get me through this. He is using this to mold me and make me into the person He wants me to be, not to punish me. NOT TO PUNISH ME! (That feels so good to say, you know?) He is showing me his faithfulness everyday, even in my super horrible BAD days. So, I'm fragile, broken today... He will make it better, He will be with me through it all. He is my ROCK. He will hold me tight. Tomorrow WILL be a better day b/c I'll be stronger in Him. He will ALWAYS be faithful.

Here's yesterday's sermon: http://www.elevationchurch.org/mediaPlayer.php?sermon=188

Oh, and the song that made me cry... ha! Really, it's an AWESOME AWESOME song, would love a copy of it to play over and over. The link is for an acoustic version by 2 of the worship leaders, Chris and London. Chris is Sydney's crush. She really REALLY likes him! ha! :o) I've been singing it to myself a ton...

http://elevation-worship.com/blog/?p=593

Give Me Faith

Verse 1:
I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need you to open my eyes
To see that You’re shaping my life

Pre-Chorus:
All I am, I surrender

Chorus:
Give me faith to trust what you say
That you’re good and your love is great
I’m broken inside, I give you my life

Verse 2:
I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need you pierce through the dark
And cleanse every part of me

Bridge:
I may be weak
But your Spirit’s strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you never will